Does this pose have the X Factor? Nah.

Words cannot express how cool I thought I was while getting this photo taken. Here's Mr Cowell and a bevvy of Daily Star lovelies committing a heinous crime in posing. His handshake was warm and not as strong as I'd like.

"Who ARE you?"

That's what Nancy Dell'olio asked me when I complimented her on her frock.

Then she said: "A thousand other people have said that to me. It's a good dress."

It was probably the high point of my career.

Polite Will Young in seedy Soho shocker

Not another drunk photographer.
Here's Will Young outside the Nellie Dean in Soho where I had half a shandy with my old KRUGER boss, Mike.

PS. Will is one of the politest, loveliest men I have ever met. And he wants Joe to win X-Factor.

Now, where did I put my Buffalos?

Frock horror! Ex Spice girl Mel B changed three times in one night!

The singer/model/shameless Vitamin Water promoter was hosting the launch of said water's new XXX flavour: sugar with acai, blueberry, and pomegranate.

Sadly the fiesty Leeds lass was about as feisty as a box of Aloe Vera tissues, telling me she can't wait to add to her brood with hubby Stephen Belafonte.

Who FYI is NOT related to musician and social activist Harry Belafonte, despite sharing the name and looking exactly like him. He got a little bit hot under the collarless shirt when a fan asked him such.

Elsewhere, at the same party Right Said Fred entertaining , but Too Wrinkly for their Alleged Come Back.

Max Clifford tells me a Secret

There is a reason this photo is grainy, seedy looking and somehow dirty.

Yes, it's because it was taken in Secrets lap-dancing club.

Max here tells me it is the "second time" he has ever been to one of these rank establishments. When I asked him if it would be the last, he replied: "No, I've got to bring Simon Cowell here on Thursday, he loves it."

Cider I up!

After several pints of Somerset's finest, I thought I saw an Alpaca. Turns out I did. And I wrote about it, and some stuff about cider. Read it, it's great. Watch the video too.

Calum's on his Best behaviour

George's boy Calum is meant to be a serial skirt chaser. So naturally when he spoke to me with a total absence of flirtatious double entendres, I was deeply offended.

He told me he's moving away from the arena of WAGS, smearing bottles of fake tan all over his face and starring in reality TV shows called Celebrity Come Dining on Ice Swap.

He'll be jumping out of a plane for Children in Need in November, and it has changed his life already apparently.

I actually liked him.

A chat with VV "Velociraptor" Brown

So back in summer, I did a pretty cringey interview with VV Brown at Bestival. Note how I try and talk all urban, just because she is younger and 110 % cooler than me. She was rather beautiful and I enjoyed her dinosaur impression.

Floats like a butterfly, sting's like a horse

Sting, aka Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner, looks really weird here. We met him at the People of the Forest party at Proud Camden. After an intimate concert, the pop legend with a penchant for tantric activities was ushered off to one of the venues VIP "stables". He spent the whole evening chomping at the bit and demanding extra strong mints. What a diva. Neigh.

Phewy Hughy!

Ah, Scooby Snacks. Hughy from the Fun Lovin' Criminals is basically just hot.

He told me the band are making a come back for one reason alone. "Because modern music is s***. I had to," said the robust velvet-clad muso.

Arrogant yes. True yes. But I'm not a hundred per cent lyrics like: "Smoke 'em, smoke 'em, smoke 'em if you got 'em. If you ain't got 'em, then you hit rock bottom" can be responsible for saving the ailing world of modern pop.